I think I’m going to write that love letter now.

It hurts to look at your face, you said. Is that the most poetically toxic thing you could say? Because it’s seeping into me like poison. I would ruin your life; I think that’s what it means. Ooh, But I see now, I’m like Pompeii. That kind of ruin. In the milliseconds of my lips, you would trip into my ashes and forget about my heat, letting my lava burn and ooze into your insides. It was an accident.

Down the road, when you look back into the snow globe of your life, the one that God gave you all wrapped up in ribbons; the one he gave for you to see all of your light during the long hours of dusk; you will see me sitting next to your Christmas tree. I’m wrapped up in your sweater.

That day, when you realize that you regret me, well, I’m not sure what confusion that will bring. I took you to such sweet places. I kissed you softly under streetlamps. I destroyed you in the most beautiful way possible. And all the time now you keep wondering what the snake soup tasted like in Hong Kong, and how I am the reason you don’t know.

Maybe it was good you let me go. I just thought we would let the hot ash mold us into concrete Romans. It was so beautiful they wrote about it in history books. Don’t you want to be in a book, my dear? You could sit on someone’s coffee table. Let them look at your face and wonder about your heart. How is your heart, my dear?

My foundation is love. At least, the only things I remember so vividly are the ones that touched my heart. I thought my words would caption your paintings. What a logical thing, you see. But now our logic rests in our heads, with all the other thoughts that have steered us wrong.

The truth is whatever we tell ourselves. So I let my mind write out the words that I feel, until you fade away into the sea with all the other fish that I took off my hook; the hook that lured you into the wading chaos of my soul that was just waiting so patiently to consume you. Swim away, my dear.





Slowly, and then all at once

What do we do when we know we’re headed toward soul crushing devastation?

Do we run toward it in hopes that it will be beautiful?

The way the stars explode in stunning confusion?

…For now, I  just don’t know.

I think I’ll stay tangled up for a little bit longer.

I think I’ll write you a love letter.








Feeling Mooney

I’m sitting on the couch curled up like a chicken nugget, contemplating my existence. All this really inspiring and beneficial stuff has been happening lately, but I’ve been having such a trouble writing it out. I think it’s because I’m just letting it all circulate and form a final thought…but growth takes time. It takes time to make sense of things.

Today was a bit of a weird day. Maybe it was the moon’s full energy that caused my total lack of sleep. Speaking of the moon; I’ve been watching this documentary series on Netflix called “Cosmos:A Spacetime Odyssey”, which is about the nature of time and space. It’s completely incredible; I feel like I’m in 8th grade science class when I watch it. What I love so much is how it scientifically backs up the spiritual belief that we are all so connected to the universe on such a fundamental level, and how intertwined we are in the creation of every being on this earth. Everything makes sense when you can connect the dots between the words that we say and hear and the evidence of existence; Behavior patterns, energies, changes.


I complained to my friend Yassine that I couldn’t sleep, so he sent me a link to these Gregorian chants, intended for intense relaxation.  This album is so beautiful it’s actually hard to contemplate how sounds could make you feel so in love with air. Just put it on while you read the rest of this article and by the end you will either be crying or feel like a gummy worm.

As most Los Angeles social shenanigans usually play out, the cancellation rate stands at 85%. And today was a full 85% kind of day. So Saturday was a “me” day, as much as I wasn’t entirely anticipating or wanting that. But it is what it is;what can you do but flow with the changes?

Life has been pretty mellow. I’m just existing in this physical world, learning new things every day; feeling the pokes and prods and waves of emotions, and then letting them pass through me and over me, trying not to hold on to old habits and negative thoughts…trying to just let things be. Ha, TRYING to just let things be…which entirely contradicts the point of letting things be.

It’s such an adventure; standing on two feet. I’ve been walking down this windy path deep into spirituality and wisdom lately, doing yoga every day, twice a day, reading about Buddhist life philosophy, and suffering tremendously. I can’t get enough of all this emotional release that’s coming from my stretching, particularly in the major body muscles, like the psoas, hamstrings, and hips.  I heard this quote the other day that was this:

“The body is a battleground for the wars we wage in our mind. But, maybe if we can change the conversations we have with ourselves…it will become a playground”.

Isn’t that the truth.

It’s all consumed my life…I think out of necessity. But maybe it’s good to desperately need something to pull you out of your bucket of poison so that you can see how powerful it is when you’re standing at the edge, looking down at all that toxic waste.

I feel like a toddler, learning all this new stuff that I was so blocked off from for so many years. It’s kind of fantastic.

Time to crawl back into my crib now and fall asleep to my Gregorian chants.







Photo Cred:http://www.bt-images.net/incredible-universe/


Toward Camarillo

Soaking up the warmth like a lizard.

Changing colors with the sun,

blending in with the universe.

Growing with the road that lies in front of me,

never stopping to get stuck.

How can you know the earth if you won’t let it fill your soul?


All these places consume your heart like a fire,

burning so intensly it feels undisturbed.

It’s just me and the rays that sit on my shoulders,

pigmenting my skin.


just because.

Oh, all these places,

they embody love.








Yes, it’s been awhile since my last post. I’ve just been so wrapped up in the universe.





Photo cred:http://www.79ideas.org/2014/06/hello-from-california.html#.VDIYs4l0zIV


Sunday is my favorite day

I hit up the Brentwood Farmer’s Market with Brandon yesterday, per usual.

It finally felt like fall was coming;thank god…because I was just about ready to start acting like a schizo homeless man and ripping off all my clothes in the street. After the massive heat wave last week, it felt like there were literally angels in the sky. Not white girl “literally”, but literally angels, floating around…their wings brushing my face as I sucked on fresh peach juice and…HAHA NO POETRY RIGHT NOW. But back to the heat wave. It was terrible and we were all about to murder each other out of rage. So this is me apologizing to everyone that I treated with less respect than usual…it wasn’t me in there; it was a fiery demon that took over my body.

Not going to lie, I didn’t take a lot of pictures; I was way too busy enjoying everything.

…And everything was wild. I’ve never seen the farmers market so colorful and diverse. There were green tea makers from Japan here for the weekend, green beans that were one foot long(each bean) and an assortment of micro-pigs…just because.

Here’s a micro-pig if you have no idea what I’m talking about:



There exists a godly fruit that is purple and pink, called a dragon fruit; and I finally tried one. It’s such an intense color.My first thought was:

A.This can’t be real.

B. Am I an Avatar?

Here’s a dragon fruit:



And I got some great food.(And flowers. ALWAYS flowers)

Sunday’s Purchases:

1 Reed Avocado. It’s basically an avocado that is 3x the size of a regular avocado and has a creamier texture.

2 Hass Avocados

1 Lb. string green beans

2 Organic Apples

1 Yellow Peach

1 Mandarin Orange

Yellow Moong Daal Curry

4 Chocolate Chip Chia Seed Cookies. From my girl Nicole at CocoBakes. All Gluten Free-Vegan Products.

3 Flower Arrangements. Todays Colors-Yellow, maroon, and purple. My favorite flower of the three is called a Teddy Bear Sunflower, which is basically a sunflower that is missing the brown center. The name is just a bonus.


Sadly…CocoBakes wasn’t selling their ice cream sandwiches, which I was super bummed about. But it gave me a Sunday project, so I made my own using the cookies I bought from their tent, paired with an amazing brand of coconut ice cream called Luna & Larry’s; which I picked up at Whole Foods on the walk back.

All the ingredients are natural, organic, gluten-free, vegan. The coconut milk used to make Luna &Larry’s frozen dessert is flown in from Thailand. So, uh, it’s fancy, huh?

Ahhhhh. Thailand. One day.


But more realistically for the moment:



OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA   Wait, so what’s a chia seed? What’s all the hype? And why is it in my cookie?

Well, here’s a good article that will fill you with knowledge: http://authoritynutrition.com/11-proven-health-benefits-of-chia-seeds/




Yeah, that happened.

So, it appears that the day’s already going pretty amazing:

Weather ✔

Food ✔

Friends ✔

…And then some really cute shit happened. My favorite Swede sent me a video…which I might have requested because I really dig that kind of stuff.

(Side note. Is there anything significantly better than home video? Self-made videos capture life in the very best way. It makes me feel like my life is a holiday commercial for Samsung.)

It was a really great video. And really my only public opinion about this is that, “I like your face. I like it a lot.”

Yesterday was also pretty significant for my yoga practice. I did my first headstand! I stood on my HEAD. Proof that the human body is incredible.

I’m starting to experience how letting go brings some pretty positive stuff into your life.

And with that,

I want to finish off today’s post with a passage from a really inspirational book that I am currently reading called Comfortable with Uncertainty by Buddhist nun, Pema Chodron.

Chapter 6:Loving-Kindness and Meditation

“When we start to meditate or to work with any kind of spiritual discipline, we often think that somehow we’re going to improve, which is a subtle aggression against who we really are…

But loving-kindness,maitri, toward ourselves doesn’t mean getting rid of anything. Maitri means that we can still be crazy, we can still be angry. We can still be timid or jealous or full of feelings of unworthiness. Meditation practice isn’t about trying to throw ourselves away and become something better. It’s about befriending who you are already”.

Chapter 16: The Dharma

“You just practice meditation or you just life your life, and you have insight-a fresh take on what is true. Insight comes suddenly, as though you’ve been wandering around in the dark and someone switches on a light and reveals a palace. It’s been there all along. It feels as if we’ve discovered something that no one else ever knew and yet it’s completely straightforward and simple”.


Sundays will carry me through life, I think.

























Photo Cred: http://hoops4life.com/media/pink-micro-piglets



Mexican Bowls

Tonight my new friend Adrienne came over. She’s awesome. New Friends=Soul Food.

This is her washing the spinach:


My beautiful kitchen :


Before the Magic:





(The neighborhood cat came for a visit….he totally lost it  when he thought my bear was a dog. Yes, I have a bear. You don’t?)



Just kidding….this is the magic.

To put together this little mouth fiesta, I just grabbed a few fresh, organic and simple ingredients from the market:

1 Can Black Beans

1 Can Corn

2 Avocados

2 Red Tomatoes

1 bushel of fresh spinach

2 Chicken tenderloins.

1 cup brown rice

Optional citrus addition: Mandarin Orange

Optional Dipping Sauce: BBQ sauce OR Lemon/Orange infused Vinaigrette dressing for a nice tangy balance. You can even use the fresh juice from the mandarin orange.

Serving Size: 2-4 People.

The final product:









Eat Simple. Healthy. Fresh. Fully. Happily.

Food is Art.

Food AND Friends…..Ah, What is this amazing life!!!(I hope you can feel my happiness beaming out of the screen.)











Post-Savasana Words

These days I’m not really feeling on this earth.

Is it all a dream?

A temporary insanity perhaps.


How do we fall in love?

When we are love.

My heart is full like a bear.


The cars buzz by.

The moving won’t stop.

Wake me up from this dream.


I’m not really sure the point of the words I write,

But I’m full.

I thought they would fill me, but they never did.

I’m not hungry for them anymore.

If this world isn’t real, let me sit next to you on a park bench and hold your hand.


So what?

In this dream we are apart, but you sit in my soul like a flame.

We are all burning,

And laughing.

Next to the trees.

In the sky.

We are life.

The leaf falls.

What is this dream?