Pompeii

I think I’m going to write that love letter now.

It hurts to look at your face, you said. Is that the most poetically toxic thing you could say? Because it’s seeping into me like poison. I would ruin your life; I think that’s what it means. Ooh, But I see now, I’m like Pompeii. That kind of ruin. In the milliseconds of my lips, you would trip into my ashes and forget about my heat, letting my lava burn and ooze into your insides. It was an accident.

Down the road, when you look back into the snow globe of your life, the one that God gave you all wrapped up in ribbons; the one he gave for you to see all of your light during the long hours of dusk; you will see me sitting next to your Christmas tree. I’m wrapped up in your sweater.

That day, when you realize that you regret me, well, I’m not sure what confusion that will bring. I took you to such sweet places. I kissed you softly under streetlamps. I destroyed you in the most beautiful way possible. And all the time now you keep wondering what the snake soup tasted like in Hong Kong, and how I am the reason you don’t know.

Maybe it was good you let me go. I just thought we would let the hot ash mold us into concrete Romans. It was so beautiful they wrote about it in history books. Don’t you want to be in a book, my dear? You could sit on someone’s coffee table. Let them look at your face and wonder about your heart. How is your heart, my dear?

My foundation is love. At least, the only things I remember so vividly are the ones that touched my heart. I thought my words would caption your paintings. What a logical thing, you see. But now our logic rests in our heads, with all the other thoughts that have steered us wrong.

The truth is whatever we tell ourselves. So I let my mind write out the words that I feel, until you fade away into the sea with all the other fish that I took off my hook; the hook that lured you into the wading chaos of my soul that was just waiting so patiently to consume you. Swim away, my dear.

 

 

Namaste

Slowly, and then all at once

What do we do when we know we’re headed toward soul crushing devastation?

Do we run toward it in hopes that it will be beautiful?

The way the stars explode in stunning confusion?

…For now, I  just don’t know.

I think I’ll stay tangled up for a little bit longer.

I think I’ll write you a love letter.

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Namaste

 

 

 

Feeling Mooney

I’m sitting on the couch curled up like a chicken nugget, contemplating my existence. All this really inspiring and beneficial stuff has been happening lately, but I’ve been having such a trouble writing it out. I think it’s because I’m just letting it all circulate and form a final thought…but growth takes time. It takes time to make sense of things.

Today was a bit of a weird day. Maybe it was the moon’s full energy that caused my total lack of sleep. Speaking of the moon; I’ve been watching this documentary series on Netflix called “Cosmos:A Spacetime Odyssey”, which is about the nature of time and space. It’s completely incredible; I feel like I’m in 8th grade science class when I watch it. What I love so much is how it scientifically backs up the spiritual belief that we are all so connected to the universe on such a fundamental level, and how intertwined we are in the creation of every being on this earth. Everything makes sense when you can connect the dots between the words that we say and hear and the evidence of existence; Behavior patterns, energies, changes.

cosmos

I complained to my friend Yassine that I couldn’t sleep, so he sent me a link to these Gregorian chants, intended for intense relaxation.  This album is so beautiful it’s actually hard to contemplate how sounds could make you feel so in love with air. Just put it on while you read the rest of this article and by the end you will either be crying or feel like a gummy worm.

As most Los Angeles social shenanigans usually play out, the cancellation rate stands at 85%. And today was a full 85% kind of day. So Saturday was a “me” day, as much as I wasn’t entirely anticipating or wanting that. But it is what it is;what can you do but flow with the changes?

Life has been pretty mellow. I’m just existing in this physical world, learning new things every day; feeling the pokes and prods and waves of emotions, and then letting them pass through me and over me, trying not to hold on to old habits and negative thoughts…trying to just let things be. Ha, TRYING to just let things be…which entirely contradicts the point of letting things be.

It’s such an adventure; standing on two feet. I’ve been walking down this windy path deep into spirituality and wisdom lately, doing yoga every day, twice a day, reading about Buddhist life philosophy, and suffering tremendously. I can’t get enough of all this emotional release that’s coming from my stretching, particularly in the major body muscles, like the psoas, hamstrings, and hips.  I heard this quote the other day that was this:

“The body is a battleground for the wars we wage in our mind. But, maybe if we can change the conversations we have with ourselves…it will become a playground”.

Isn’t that the truth.

It’s all consumed my life…I think out of necessity. But maybe it’s good to desperately need something to pull you out of your bucket of poison so that you can see how powerful it is when you’re standing at the edge, looking down at all that toxic waste.

I feel like a toddler, learning all this new stuff that I was so blocked off from for so many years. It’s kind of fantastic.

Time to crawl back into my crib now and fall asleep to my Gregorian chants.

 

 

Namaste.

 

 

 

Photo Cred:http://www.bt-images.net/incredible-universe/

 

Toward Camarillo

Soaking up the warmth like a lizard.

Changing colors with the sun,

blending in with the universe.

Growing with the road that lies in front of me,

never stopping to get stuck.

How can you know the earth if you won’t let it fill your soul?

 

All these places consume your heart like a fire,

burning so intensly it feels undisturbed.

It’s just me and the rays that sit on my shoulders,

pigmenting my skin.

Smiling,

just because.

Oh, all these places,

they embody love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, it’s been awhile since my last post. I’ve just been so wrapped up in the universe.

Namaste

 

 

 

Photo cred:http://www.79ideas.org/2014/06/hello-from-california.html#.VDIYs4l0zIV